As of Saturday, I have been a Baltimore resident for a month. So far the following things have happened:
- I reconnected with friends from back home and have been introduced to their fabulous friends
- I enjoyed myself so much that I fell down the steps at Max's Tap House
- I've all but forgotten that I DON'T have to give my number to everyone who asks for it
- My car was towed and it cost me $300. All because I didn't want to pay to take a cab. In the end, I still had to take a cab to go pick up my car
- I have gotten lonely
-I have worked until 11:30 pm
-I've had a near breakdown in FedEx/Kinkos
- I've kissed an Indian Lawyer
- I've kissed a BEAUTIFUL freshly turned 21 year old
-I've seen an amazing performer SO CLOSE that I could smell her perfume
- I've taken my stepmom and her bff out on the town
- I've cried in my bathtub
- I have eaten incredible food
- I have danced my ass off
- I have received a letter for jury duty for my first time EVER. For the court system in La Plata
- I have finished reading a book and started another
- I've hated living alone
-I've loved living alone
-I've made lovely new friends
-I've missed my friends from back home
As you can see, I've been all over the place, haha. To say the least. Not to worry, I'm still going strong. I'm just still getting comfortable and adjusting. The most difficult part of this whole journey, so far, has been the living alone part. I've never lived 100% by myself before. Even when I was out on my own before, I always had roommates. Twice I had roommates who moved out about a month before our lease was up, but that was different. That time was spent packing and getting ready to move. I didn't really have to time to sit and realize, "I am by myself". But, I have had plenty of time to sit on my couch and think, "I am by myself". It's weird.
It can be kind of scary at times because I'm a thinker. I literally think of ev.er.y.th.in.g. I go over every thought, situation, feeling and over analyze. Then I worry that I'm becoming neurotic. And then I worry that I'm going to have a Hannah-sized freak out and jab a q-tip so far in my ear that I live in a giant t-shirt for 3 days. God that episode was horrific.....but I digress.
The worst part is that I wonder if I made the right choice by moving here. Work, in all honesty, has been challenging. It's not bad, it's just different. It's a whole different thing being back in the corporate world. And to be in the corporate world doing what I went to college for, which I haven't really touched since 2009, is scary. When they say it's a $40 million deal, IT'S A $40 MILLION DEAL. It's not hypothetical. It's not for a grade. IT'S FOR $40 MILLION FREAKING DOLLARS! Now you understand why I would have a breakdown in Kinkos.
I hate that I do this. I hate that I question my decisions. But I can't help it.
See what I mean about my neuroses?
I know that it will get better. I know that I will hit my stride. It just takes time. You all have been with me long enough on this journey that you know I have a difficult time with patience. It is truly a virtue that I have to work on a daily basis.
I just miss the familiar. I miss knowing what I'm doing. I'm uncomfortable with all of this inner examination and thorough look-over of what I'm doing and where I'm going and how I'm going about it.
Everything will be fine, I know it will. And really, it already is. I'm just being silly. BLAAAAHHHHHHHH.
And here's hoping that I'm about to get out of jury duty...
Monday, March 18, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Age Old Question
Picture this:
It is a beautiful Sunday evening. You decide to walk down to the city harbor to get out of your apartment and peruse some shops. You stop to get your favorite tea on your way back. As you're walking back to your apartment, you see a line of boys and decide to avoid them, being that you are by yourself. Then you hear them yell "YO GIRL! WHY YOU WALKIN' THAT WAY? LET ME SUCK YOUR P***Y".
Yes, I am serious.
Yes, I stopped in my tracks.
Mind you- there are about 20-25 other people standing around there, waiting for the bus. It took every fiber of my being not to turn around and go off.
I don't even know where to start. Who talks like that to women?! Who talks like that period?! Where the hell do you learn that that's okay?!
I've dealt with males saying stuff to me my entire life. I have no problem answering their stupid ass remarks with bitchy retorts. But why is it that it tends to be younger African-American boys that think they can talk like that? The most APPALLING things have been said to me by boys who are probably between 16 and 22 and I'm just walking down the street, minding my own damn business.
When I lived in this city before, I would discuss this with some of the African-American ladies that I worked with. And by discuss I mean trade horror stories. I just don't understand what it is about the African-American culture that makes it okay for males to talk to women in such a way that is both infuriating and degrading.
It makes me angry.
It makes me sad.
It makes me want to punch a mother fucker in the face.
It just makes me feel like that we, as women, just can't win. We're regarded as both trash and treasure no matter how hard we work. I mean, c'mon guys, without us you wouldn't exist. You need our baby-cookers to be able to create life. And let me tell ya, yelling "YO LET ME SUCK YOUR P***Y" is not what a lady wants to hear. That isn't what ANYONE wants to hear.
I love living in the city, I do. I can handle myself and these dumb asses who insist on being stupid. But we really need to take a step back and really examine ourselves as a culture. Both the "men" who insist on treating women like crap and the women who don't stand up for themselves.
End rant.
It is a beautiful Sunday evening. You decide to walk down to the city harbor to get out of your apartment and peruse some shops. You stop to get your favorite tea on your way back. As you're walking back to your apartment, you see a line of boys and decide to avoid them, being that you are by yourself. Then you hear them yell "YO GIRL! WHY YOU WALKIN' THAT WAY? LET ME SUCK YOUR P***Y".
Yes, I am serious.
Yes, I stopped in my tracks.
Mind you- there are about 20-25 other people standing around there, waiting for the bus. It took every fiber of my being not to turn around and go off.
I don't even know where to start. Who talks like that to women?! Who talks like that period?! Where the hell do you learn that that's okay?!
I've dealt with males saying stuff to me my entire life. I have no problem answering their stupid ass remarks with bitchy retorts. But why is it that it tends to be younger African-American boys that think they can talk like that? The most APPALLING things have been said to me by boys who are probably between 16 and 22 and I'm just walking down the street, minding my own damn business.
When I lived in this city before, I would discuss this with some of the African-American ladies that I worked with. And by discuss I mean trade horror stories. I just don't understand what it is about the African-American culture that makes it okay for males to talk to women in such a way that is both infuriating and degrading.
It makes me angry.
It makes me sad.
It makes me want to punch a mother fucker in the face.
It just makes me feel like that we, as women, just can't win. We're regarded as both trash and treasure no matter how hard we work. I mean, c'mon guys, without us you wouldn't exist. You need our baby-cookers to be able to create life. And let me tell ya, yelling "YO LET ME SUCK YOUR P***Y" is not what a lady wants to hear. That isn't what ANYONE wants to hear.
I love living in the city, I do. I can handle myself and these dumb asses who insist on being stupid. But we really need to take a step back and really examine ourselves as a culture. Both the "men" who insist on treating women like crap and the women who don't stand up for themselves.
End rant.
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